So I wrote this at one in the morning on my iPhone notes app


Cas was there, lying on the hillside, with black blood running from him like streams down a hill. Hell, he was the hill. But this hill was made of feathers and grace and eyes.

So many eyes. And every single one of them were the same blue that had shown from his vessel.

Dean had to climb up a steep embankment on his hands and knees, in his favorite leather jacket, to get to him but he didn’t care. His mind was a frenzy of questions and possible solutions and cures. Why was there so much blood? How could anything bleed so much?

When Dean finally clawed his way to Cas’ giant face he had to close his eyes against the pain of looking at him. Joshua gave him his sight so he could look at Cas in angel form but it still hurt his human soul to see such a celestial creature.

He felt a shift in the ground and something huge rustled above him, a sudden wind almost knocking him over.

“Whoa Cas! Easy,” he said as his eyes flew open and he saw one of Cas’ four wings coming toward him.

The wing instantly stopped and all of Cas’ blue eyes focused on him. They were wide with shock and confusion – and something else Dean couldn’t think about right now. He needed to focus on fixing his best friend.

“Dean.” He heard it as if the wind had moaned his name through the trees. But then Cas’ voice was in his head. It wasn’t the deep, growling voice that made Dean’s lower stomach clench but the voice of solar winds through time and space. “I don’t understand.”

“Nothing new there I guess, huh buddy?” Dean smiled in order to drive the joke home but it instantly died on his lips.

“You shouldn’t look at me.”

All of those piercing blue eyes were then cast toward the ground. Hundreds of eyes filled with shame and sorrow and oh, so much pain.

“Listen, Cas -“

Suddenly Cas’ eyes shut tight and his gigantic body bowed up in pain. A tree near one of his wings splintered violently and came crashing to the ground. The hill beneath Dean’s feet shook and he lost his balance and fell to his knees.

“Dean please. You need to leave. You’ll. Get hurt.” Cas eyes were open again but they were squinting with so much pain that Dean crawled toward him with an arm outstretched.

“Not without you. We can figure this out, we can save you, we’ve gotten through worse. Together Cas, we’ve gotten through so much worse.”

A shudder ran through Cas that shook leaves down from the trees in a flurry of floating colors.

All of his eyes looked at Dean for a moment and then pointedly looked down his body as he lifted a wing away from his wounds. The wing came away with a sick, wet sound that made Dean’s chest constrict. It only looked bad because he was so frickin huge. That was the only reason.

But as Dean gazed at the canyon-sized gash in Cas’ body that poured black blood in rivulets he knew that it wasn’t going to be ok.

“No,” he said against the unwanted thought. “We’re not leaving you here Cas, ok? I’m not leaving you!”

Suddenly one of Cas’ wings – a hulking, broken thing – came from behind Cas and fell heavily behind Dean. The ground shuddered once more but Dean was still kneeling and only had to put his arms out to stop from face planting. Then he was being pulled into Cas’ body by the broken wing.

The wing stopped pushing him when he was mere inches away from Cas’ largest eye but he didn’t lift it away again.

In the shadowy quiet of Cas’s wing Dean realized he could hear Cas’ heart beating. It was painfully weak.

“I didn’t know angels had hearts.”

A low rumble filled the screaming confines of Dean’s mind and it quieted his frantic thoughts – Cas had just chuckled.

“You’d be surprised how similar we are to humans.” All of his eyes started to droop in unison except for the largest in the middle, which was still fixed on Dean. He could see it shining wetly in the dim light filtering through Cas’ feathers.

The angel was crying.

Dean’s chest heaved and he let out a hiccuped breath before catching himself. “C’mon man. How many times have we cheated death huh? What’s one more time?”


He heard the word on the wind again instead of in his mind. It must be Cas’ real voice he heard and the sound was as beautiful and sharp as shattered glass.

“Please.” The word fell from Dean in a choked sob. “Cas, please.”

All but Cas’ largest eye was closed now and the pupil was starting to widen and loose focus.

Dean reached out and touched Cas’ face next to that sky blue eye. It instantly refocused on Dean’s face but the hulking form before him was silent.

“I need you Cas. Please.”

The disfigured wing closed more tightly around them, pushing Dean fully against his face so that he could no longer see the pain and regret and sadness in that colossal eye.

His feathers were soft and blue, like heaven on a cool spring day. Dean lay his forehead against Cas’ marble-like skin and closed his own eyes against the flood of tears rolling down his cheeks.

“No,” he said on the wind in that hauntingly beautiful voice. “It’s me that’s always needed you. Dean.”